She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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