my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
