I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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