I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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