i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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