I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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