Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
