she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
