He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I need to sanitize my soul.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
