If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
