the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
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Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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