Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
