HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
