If i come over, it means nothing
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
