this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
