Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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