Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
