She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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