I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm always down for nudity.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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