i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I cut my penus on the lid.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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