woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
