our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
