so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
