You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
