I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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