Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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