plz talk dirty to me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
