Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
