Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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