For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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