Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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