Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
