"it" just moved
I think I died a long time ago.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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