I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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