how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
