My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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