you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
