apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
