U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
