u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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