Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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