so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
