what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
