The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
