I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
