Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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