he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it's not cheating when I paid for it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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