what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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