I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
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What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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