I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
