his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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