My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
