Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
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