Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
