dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This is classic penis vs brain.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
