R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
