either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
