do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
