hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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