sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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