I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
