Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
