two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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