put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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