Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
