I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize