I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
