Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
